Distractions

This morning after mass, I started thinking about distractions during the mass and distractions in general.  I find it funny that my sister is the one with ADD but I am constantly finding myself too distracted by what is going on around me.

This happens specifically with my prayer life and with mass participation; I have made myself a schedule (I think I mentioned it before) for the weekday and for the weekend.  The hope is that I can use that as a guide to always remember to make prayer and time alone with our Lord a priority in my life.  However, I am finding that it doesn't take much to detract me from that schedule.  I always seem to have other things that come up (work stuff, Family obligations, Service obligations) and I start to find myself justifying not going to adoration everyday "I'm not a religious, I don't have to go everyday"  I do the same thing when I wake up late "I can just say a quick prayer, I don't have to pray the Liturgy of the Hours" before I know it I am making excuses and it is way too easy to neglect my spiritual development.

At church it is even worse, I have to always force myself to look at the cross so that I remember the point of the mass.  It is not about the fact that this person just strolled in and sat down without genuflecting, it is not even about how short and revealing someone's attire is.  It is about remembering the Lord's passion and being thankful for His obedience.  I struggle very hard to remain focused on the paschal mystery and this always brings me much sorrow.  I have started to reflect on John's love for Our Lord and I am finding this helpful in my quest to remain focused on Christ.  

It is very painful to know that I love Christ and say that I love him but I feel that I don't always act it.  Especially when I sit at mass focusing on everyone else and noticing someone else's splinter while ignoring my proverbial log.  I pray everyday that I grow more in love with him and I truly want to live only for Him, everyday before mass I ask God to rid me of all distractions and to help me focus on the sacrifice of the mass.  I am given more and more opportunities to do this and I thank God for them.  I am learning that when we ask for something (Patience, Humility, Faith) we are often presented with opportunities to grow in these virtues.  And so as I am presented with more and more opportunities to lose my distractions, I thank the Lord and I continue to pray and ask John and Our Lady to assist me in my quest to love Christ as they did.

I ask for continued prayers as I continue to pray for you.

In Christ,

Hopeful

My Visit with the sisters

It's been about a week since I came back from my visit with the sisters and I miss them already.  I find myself constantly glancing at the pictures and wishing I were starting the formation process this year.  However, I trust in God's timing and His infinite goodness and know that whatever He has in store for me will be exactly what I need. 

I am working very hard at paying down my student loans and hoping to make a significant dent in my loans by the time the deadline for the Mater Ecclesiae grant application rolls around.  I am also working on setting up a website where I can sell more rosaries and chaplets as a means of raising funds to reduce my student loans.

My mother has been working to try and help me do some fundraising; I ask for your prayers as I continue to work toward making my entrance to the SMMC a reality. 

Until the day I enter I must be content with visits here and there and pictures of the sisters.  Below are some pics of the sisters from my visit (I hope you enjoy them as much as I)

In Christ,
Hopeful

Birthday in the Convent

Yesterday was day two of my visit with the sisters and it also happened to be my birthday.  I was so excited to spend my birthday with the sisters that I didn't care whether or not they knew.  Well, it turned out that Mother Kathryn knew and she made sure the other sisters knew too.  After prayers, she wished me a happy birthday and after mass the other sisters joined in and they sang me happy birthday.  Though that was satisfying enough for me, two of the sisters surprised me and took me to Starbucks! 

We had dinner early because of meetings all throughout the rest of the day so dinner was earlier than usual.  Before dinner, Mother and the sisters surprised me again!  She presented me with a small gift bag that contained a beautiful card and a very nice candle.  I was able to have dinner with most of the sisters and afterwards we chatted a bit over dishes. 

Before I knew it, the time came for me to retie to my room and I fell asleep so soundly.  I am still trying to find the best time to fall asleep so that I do not wake up too early (3:00 a.m. pacific) 

Tonight the sisters have a fundraising dinner that is held in collaboration with the Knights of Columbus.  Please keep them in your prayers that it may be successful and that those in attendance will grow closer to the Lord through the sisters' witness.  I will be sure to keep you posted on how the rest of my visit is going.

More to come.

In Christ,
Hopeful

God's Faithfulness

Some of you may be aware that I was visiting my sisters this week (pictures to come)  I have been so excited about this trip that I packed almost a week early.   I barely slept last night due to the fact that I had to travel 3 hours to get to my flight.  By the time I made it to the first leg of the trip I was already tired and in bad need of some sleep.  I was very glad when we landed in Atlanta and I realized that I did not have as long a layover as I thought.  Barely awake I dragged myself to the gate where the second leg of the trip would begin only to realize that I did not have my purse with me.  I tried not to panic and I started retracing my steps in an effort to find my purse before my next flight.  I located a TSA agent who sadly was not able to give me much reassurance, when I told her that I thought my bag was left on the train she said that it may get treated as a bomb and destroyed, now at this point I was internally repeating "Don't panic" over and over.  Nevertheless, she suggested trying to go back to the plane that I had just left and from there to try the train.

On my way back to the gate, I managed to locate a Delta agent who was kind enough to take me on the plane but sadly my purse was not on my seat.  Panicked, I started to feel light headed and before I knew it tears were coming fast.  That bag had everything (wallet, ID, Debit card, prayer books, checkbook, boarding pass, my glasses and everything else girls usually stuff down their bags)  Walking back from the plane, I quickly said a prayer to St. Anthony asking for his help and asked God to help me find the bag.  Long story short I had left the bag on the train and it went around a few times (without being stolen or anything!) until finally someone noticed it and turned it in.  To make things even better, the agent to whom it was turned in made sure to book me on the next flight (I had missed the flight while trying to find my purse) at no charge to myself.

I know it was not a coincidence that my bag was found with everything in it.  I know very well it was not a coincidence that the agents were kind enough to spend almost an hour with me trying to track down the bag and then to even go as far as to rebook my flight.  God's hand was definitely in this and it was a quick reminder that He will always be faithful.  Lately I have been struggling to be faithful to the Lord and I find myself constantly asking Him to help me grow in faith.  I thought this was a wonderful birthday present (my birthday is tomorrow) and a wonderful reminder of His infinite goodness.  Isn't it wonderful how He always seems to work little miracles just when we need them?  We are so loved :)

I wish you all a Happy feast day of St. Gabriel tomorrow (Old Calendar) and continued blessings this Lenten season.

Temptation

Today's gospel and 2nd reading spoke about temptation and the consequences of our sins.  This along with reading of The Way of Perfection reminds me of how often I am tempted and how quickly I fall.

Often when we think of temptation we think of the temptation to steal, commit adultery, temptation to fornicate etc.  However there are other ways to be tempted.  First off, it should be acknowledge that moments of temptation are opportunities to choose whether we trust God or not, whether we want to love him above ourselves.  I am tempted daily not with the opportunity to steal, fornicate or commit adultery but rather with venial sins such as anger, impatience and pride.

Daily I ask the Lord to help me in the virtues and daily I find myself repeating the same sins.  I have cried out to Him in anger and frustration at my inability to "control" myself and to "get a better handle" on my emotions.  What I have failed to realize is that those instances where I respond with impatience, anger and pride I am given the opportunity to grow in the virtues and chose God above myself.  These instances that try my patience are opportunities to rely not on my personal strength but rather on the Lord.  As Jesus prayed to the Father during His agony so too must I learn to pray to the father and lift my voice to Him in supplication.

Often we are tempted to complain about our situations and a perceived lack of good fortune.  This is a perfect opportunity to be thankful and to open our eyes to the many blessings and graces that God continue to grant us.

As we progress through Lent, may we trust more and more in the Lord and may we focus not on our "lack of" things but rather on our many blessings, even those moments of frustration.