God qualifies the called

This past June, I accompanied our Middle School youth group to covecrest along with some parents and two other core team members.  Like the year before, I fully expected the kids to get a boatload out of it and of course they did.  What I forgot was how much I would benefit from it.  I was so focused on making sure the kids allowed the Holy Spirit to transform them that I didn't worry about the Holy Spirit transforming me.

During that wonderful week there, I came face to face with myself; my fears, my shortcomings and my self-inflicted obstacles. I was so aware of how not worthy that I was for the call to Religious Life that I found myself asking God if He was sure. I honestly wanted and needed an explanation as to why our wise Lord would choose an undeserving sinner like me to live on this path to Holiness. This brought me great sadness and it troubled me greatly. It wasn't until Thursday (camp was from Monday - Saturday) that I finally stopped to focus on how unworthy I was but rather on how wonderful and merciful our Lord was. Father Rob (bless His heart) kept reassuring the teens that they were wonderful and they were definitely worthy of the Lord's love.

That evening I went to chapel for evening prayer and as I sat there, reading psalm 139 I couldn't help but sob uncontrollably. That psalm always have that effect on me for some weird reason. I started to realize that the Lord knew me much more than I knew myself and if He saw fit to call me to this life then I should embrace it and Him. The next day we celebrated the feast of St. Peter and Paul (how fitting was that?) I remember clearly how father Rob reminded the kids that "today is the Feast day for anyone who's ever messed up" he also reminded all of us not to struggle with our shortcomings because "God does not call the qualified, but He qualifies the called" It meant so much to me to hear that especially due to the struggles I was having earlier in the week.

I wrote that little sentence down in one of my notebooks and I kept reminding myself that God didn't call me because I'm the best person for the job and the most perfect one out there. He called me because out of my weaknesses, my failures he can bring about something beautiful. Early on in my discernment St. Paul and St. Peter were great examples to me of how much one does not need to be perfect. Then of course I remembered David and I realized that I was in "good company" with my less than perfect ways. Years later, I stumbled onto St. Augustine and St. Monica and I found a kindred spirit (oddly enough in both of them) I see how much this wonderful saint loved Our Lord and had such compunction for his shortcomings and all I can think of is how wonderful. Someone who definitely was not perfect but who through the prayers of His mother and through the Lord's grace became a saint.

Today, as we celebrate the feast of one of my most loved saints, I invite you to remember that we are called to strive for perfection but that doesn't mean that we are discounted if we are not there yet. All we need is to be sincere in our desire for the Lord and do our best to overcome our shortcomings. St. Augustine recognized his sinfulness but then gave it all to the Lord and allowed Him to transform his heart. I beg the prayers of this wise saint along with that of his mother everyday and I know they are storming heaven for me.

In celebrating the feast of St. Augustine today, remember that God qualifies the called; and so if you let Him, He will prepare you for whatever wonderful thing He has planned for you.

Happy feast day of St. Augustine,
Hopeful

Support a vocation to Religious Life

The reality of entering

Hi there!  Yeah I'm still here.  I've been preparing for entrance by being as aggressive as I can with paying down my loans as well as being persistent in my fundraising efforts.  I was working on a dinner in which one of the sisters would give a talk but it looks like the dinner won't be happening anytime soon.  Initially I had planned on a dinner for October 22nd but with the need to get everything ready to enter as soon as possible, it does not look like I will be able to have a dinner any time soon.  I am hopeful though that I can fundraise enough to be ready for entrance.

In other news, my discernment is going as can be expected.  I went through a good week of anxiety and fear of the unknown shortly after I gave my boss official notice that I was leaving.  We both knew that I was leaving but giving her my letter of resignation made it all too real and I got the gist of what I was doing.  I didn't have any regrets or second thoughts but I didn't realize how much I needed to trust in the Lord as I continued to make steps to enter Religious Life.  

So these last few weeks have been a wave of emotions for me as I prepare to face the unknown.  I have  experienced true happiness and joy at the anticipation of my entrance and the beginning of a life lived in Community.  I have experienced anxiety when I think of the fact that I not only need to get additional items for my trousseau but also must be just about debt-free by the time I enter.  

Last night in Adoration, I told the Lord that I was going to spend the next hour with him in silence and I barely made it.  After about half an hour I wanted to pull out my rosary to pray the rosary and I just about did and I was reminded gently of my promise.  Fifteen minutes after that I wanted to pull out my book to do some spiritual reading; it wasn't until the last ten minutes of Adoration that I finally decided to stop and silence my heart and mind and hear the Lord.  

I have been soo looking forward to my entrance that I haven't been thinking too much about what it would be like.  Now that's it's approaching, I think about it more and more and I realize that I won't be visiting anymore and I keep thinking and worrying about that.  While I am exited on one hand, I can't help but be worried about "messing" up.  

I wonder if this is how a new bride feels after the wedding, when she and her groom are finally under one roof and she suddenly feels as though she is under a microscope.  I will never know since I have never been a new bride, but I do know that when I think of life in the convent I do feel as though it will be like living under a microscope; I don't want to "mess up" nor do I want to be unnatural.  I guess I need to continue to remind myself to just be myself, just as I was on my previous visits.  

I need your prayers now more than ever as I prepare for this very exciting and radical move especially as I work on eliminating my loans.  Please consider making a donation or inviting someone to donate to support my vocation.

May God Bless you always,

Hopeful

Hello There

I am still here, really I am.  I have been planning for my August 22 entrance and trying to keep on top of my work and ministry obligations and have completely ignored my blog.  I want to thank everyone who has been praying for me and supporting me.  I am preparing to find out from the Laboure Society about a grant, I a praying that I am awarded enough to help continue make a dent in my student loans.  I have reached out to a local business that didn't yield much however I am continuing to reach out and trying to garner enough funds to make my entrance a reality.

I have been looking at ways to raise funds and I stumbled on razoo, I decided to look into it and now I have a page set up to receive donations.  This link (http://www.razoo.com/story/Dyna-S-Vocation) takes you straight to my page complete with my story and my goal.  I'm working on adding some more info but in the meantime, I have gone ahead made the page public.  Since I am not able to be a part of the Laboure Society's new class for 2013, I have spoken with the sisters and will be working with them to raise funds. All funds donated will go to the sisters on my behalf.

As you take a look at my page, please consider sharing a link to my razoo via twitter, facebook or email.  I am trying to spread the word and raise the needed $40,000 by July 31st.  Please continue to keep me in your thoughts and prayers as I continue to prepare for entrance.  63 days left and my entrance can be made a reality with your help.

Pax!

Dyna

The gift of the cross

When we are in the midst of carrying our cross we are never willing to embrace it nor do we open our eyes to its beauty or the graces that can flow from it.  More than once I have found myself asking God why can't he give me an easy button in the form of a wealthy and willing donor who wants to help me live my vocation.  I know however that the journey that I have been on over the past couple of years has been for my benefit and the benefit of those I have and will continue to come across.

I am so grateful for this Lent but I am also in a way struggling to embrace it.  I heard someone say that each Lent should be the best Lent we've ever had.  Well I can honestly say that though this Lent is proving to be the hardest for me spiritually, it is also shaping to be the best Lent that I have ever had.

As I prepared to begin the season I began to see that the Lord's will for me this Lent would be to take up my own cross, rather embrace it and follow Him.  I don't know how many times I begged the Lord to let me suffer like Him, to let me come close to experiencing what he had.  I have on occasion been a bit jealous of James Caviezel because I feel that in the making of The Passion of the Christ he got to experience a fraction of what Our Lord went through.  I know that I am not able to endure what the Lord endured but I have come to realize that I am to embrace my own cross and endure whatever suffering the Lord sees fit to gift me with.

My suffering has always been the fact that I am very private (who knew?) about my discernment.  Many of the folks in my life are not aware of it and neither are some of my family members.  It is because I fear rejection from them and a lack of understanding about this call from God.  However, despite myself I have come to embrace that fact and I am fighting to be more open, to share my story to those who ask and to not be shy about telling others about my future.  Usually when I'm asked about children or a husband I tend to smile, nod and give some generic answer.  Lately, however I've been owning up to the fact that I am in fact discerning and I freely share my story to those who inquire.

A couple of weeks ago, I was speaking to my adoration partner and she asked me if I had children, I replied in the negative and she asked about a boyfriend/husband.  An hour later, I had told her my discernment story and she shared with me the story of her aunt the Benedictine nun and of her uncle the priest.  We truly connected and I must say it felt great to share my story with someone and connect with them.

Today, she told me that she wanted to give me a gift (a 1962 missal - the very one that is needed by a new SMMC postulant!!) I was absolutely overjoyed and couldn't believe it.  I had been her partner for about a year and had not said more than hello to her and now two weeks after our chat and learning of my pending entrance, she wanted to help me with my list.

Time and time again I'm told that people would welcome to the opportunity to help me live my vocation but yet there is a fear that keeps me closed off.  It keeps me locked up and unable to share, fearing the rejection fearing that I will "put them out".  Over the last couple of weeks the Lord has been guiding me and showering me with more graces that I could ask for.  The average person might not think much of these small confirmations but for me, the reluctant one they are just the thing to get me going on my path to embrace my cross.  I am allowing myself to accept this cross and to let go of my tendency to be closed off and private about my vocation and instead share it with those who the Lord is asking me to share it with.

Thank you for all of the prayers; I ask for your continued prayers as I navigate this Lent.  Know that you are all in my prayers as well.

United in Christ,
Hopeful

New Blog

Hey everyone!

I have created a new blog that I will be using to keep everyone abreast of my fundraising activities.  There is so much that is in the works now that I figure the best way to do that is via the blog.  It is also a spot where I will be doing my fundraising campaign and appeals so please share it with your friends, family members and fellow parishioners.

It is a wordpress site and the address is www.dynasvocation.wordpress.com 

Please continue to pray that I may be able to begin formation next year.

Pax,
Hopeful

WOW

Happy Feast day of St. Cecilia!!!!

I knew that it's been a while since my last post but I didn't realize that it's going on a month!!! I can't believe just how busy I have been.  My deepest apologies for the neglect on my part, so much has been going on with me that I am not sure where to begin.  I think the best thing to do is to give you updates in sections.

Discernment
Well things have been going well, I attended a retreat in the beginning of the month that still have me spinning but I think it is a good thing (still praying about it)  I spoke with SrMJ about a week ago for the first time in almost a month and I am hoping to see the sisters sometime soon.  In fact I need to see them because it will help in dealing with this curveball.


I met with my Spiritual Director last week and he encourages me to continue to focus on my prayer life rather than trying to deal with curveballs and the unexpected.  I mean Religious Life is not about having security or all of the answers it is about trust so in dealing with what is going with me I need to continue to trust the Lord and remember that.  I know I sound all cryptic (sorry) everything is fine, I just need to be mindful of fact that closeness with Christ is the first thing that I need to work on.


Fundraising
A couple of days ago mom called me to let me know that she saw father G and he says that a check has been sent to the Laboure Society to help with my student loans.  It has not made it yet and I do not know how much the parish was able to donate.  In either case I am utterly grateful; I am thinking of doing something as a means of saying thank you to father's secretary for being such an advocate on my behalf. I was thinking of making her a rosary, what do y'all think?


I should probably have started by pointing out that the Laboure Society has changed the way they work with Aspirants a bit and so now the donation works differently.  Check out my Aspirant page on their web site.  So as part of the new fundraising campaign with the Laboure Society I have been meeting with folks face to face to request donations (it was such an intimidating idea at first but I've gotten over my fears)  If you are interested in donating and/or have any questions, feel free to send me an email and I will be more than happy to answer any questions you might have.


Oh something else that I almost forgot, I applied for the Mater Ecclesiae grant so please please pray that I am selected as one of next year's recipients.  I had applied last year but they were not able to award me.

Rosary Making

I have been steadily making rosaries to put on the website (though lately it seems that most of the ones I have been making have been for birthday presents or special occasions)  I was finally able to set up the website to allow me to take custom orders for customers outside of my local area.  Check out the last couple of orders (I didn't take pictures of the local ones)

If you are thinking of giving out rosaries for the holidays, consider my website.    

First Communion rosary 

St Anthony/St Francis Rosary

So this is about all that has been going on with me in terms of fundraising, discernment and rosary making.  I am soooo looking forward to advent and the new mass translation.

Wishing you a Happy Thanksgiving!!!

In Christ,

Hopeful

Trying something new

Happy Sunday (and sorry for the big lag)

OK so I'm getting ready to go teach Religious Ed and I realize that it's been weeks since I updated on my fundraising progress.  I am still waiting to hear from Father G about the committee's decision on helping me with my student loans.

I thought that in the meantime, I would try something new as far as my fundraising.  I am sure you see the cute little donate button on the sidebar, I am calling on everyone (followers and non-followers) to please consider donating 1, 5, 10, 20 dollars or whatever you can afford.

Our Lady of Lourdes rosary with water from Lourdes

For anyone who makes a donation of 50 dollars or more, I will make a custom rosary.  If you cannot make a donation would you please commit to share my story with 5 others in the hopes of helping with getting donations?

If you are thinking of making a donation and are in need of a rosary, chaplet or rosary bracelet consider going through my website and purchasing one of my items (that way you get more than my gratitude and prayers :) )

Feel free to send me an email if you have any questions.

United in Christ,
Hopeful

Update on my meeting

I got to Orlando at about 4:15 and barely had time to inhale my food and relax. Mom and I left the house at about 4:45 and we were there before 4:50 (I'm telling you right down the street) When we got there the receptionist told us that Father was running behind and would see us as soon as he could. We waited until about 5:50 to be seen. While I was waiting, I pulled out my little book of prayers and said a prayer of abandonment as well as a quick little prayer to my guardian Angel. I asked the Holy Spirit to guide me and help me to be open and humble enough to lay it all out and not be afraid to wholeheartedly ask Father for some help.

As I walked in he asked me how he could help me; I gave him a quick background as far as how long I had been discerning and that I was accepted to enter this year but had to wait until next year. He asked me how much I owe and I told him, he then did this number ... Then he asked how much was it before and I told him; so he did THIS number  I told him that I was looking to see if the parish could work with me on a dinner or if the Serra club or K of C could help financially with my loans. He asked about the community and of course I told him (I happened to have had a copy of one of their newsletters with me so I gave that to him)

I told him that any way they can help me would be great (either a financial contribution from the parish, the Serra club or K of C, a parishioner/business owner or something like that) He said that they would definitely be able to help and are willing to help. He said that he would take it to the finance committee at the next meeting and they would decide how much they can contribute.

He has asked me to write him a letter that he can take to the committee with him. I told him I would share my vocation story with them and information on my debt. He's also asked me to provide him with contact information for the community.

I am exhausted right now so I am going to lay down for a quick nap and then I am going to start writing my letter to give to mom so that she can deliver to the office first thing tomorrow.

I don't know what the Lord has in store but I have never felt so hopeful regarding my student loans before.

Please pray for me that the Holy Spirit continues to inspire and guide me.

Pax,
Hopeful 

Fundraising News

I posted this in a post on Phatmass but I realize some of my readers may not be on there and might not be able to give some feedback so I'm posting here as well.

Today at about 11:30 I will be getting on the road to drive four hours to Orlando (where my parents live) to meet with the pastor from my old parish to discuss possible financial assistance.  This meeting has been in the making for about 3 months now and I cannot wait. I am anxious and nervous and scared and excited and everything you can possibly think of.

My dear sweet mother spoke to Fr briefly about him helping me and he was open to the idea and asked to meet with me and talk to me.  I am hoping that at the very least father is able to help me get in touch with some donors who are able and open to assist young vocations in the church.  

I have realized that it takes complete and utter trust in the Lord in order to truly lay it all out and rely on others' kindness and open heart.   Please pray that the Lord continues to guide me and that I continue to grow in humility and trust in Him.  I am thinking that I might also speak to father about organizing a dinner down there or even some kind of pledge drive to work with donors who might want to pledge some monthly contributions to my loans.  I found out that I would be able to enter even if my loans were not completely paid off, as long as they were pledged for (so let us pray for that)

I meet with father at 5pm so I hope it all goes well and that I have a safe drive (I have to drive back to Tally after the meeting because I teach tomorrow)  This is going to mean missing my standing meeting with my Spiritual Director today but I am trusting that it is all for the best.

I have never had such an important meeting in my life.  This is my plan

• Arrive by about 4:00 (go home, change real quickly and eat something)
• Go visit Christ in chapel (the church is litterally down the street from me so.... - and they have adoration till evening mass!!   )
• meet with father and discuss the following
  
  
  • Getting financial assistance from parish if possible
  • Working with Serra Club and K of C to put together a dinner of some sorts or get some kind of sponsorship
  • Work with them to do a pledge drive or a fundraising drive.

Do you guys have any other ideas of what I should talk about or how to say these things?  I am sooo afraid that I will get too nervous to remember anything.  I am getting really nervous now just thinking about it. (maybe I should bring my notebook)

In other news.........

(drum roll please)

I have managed to get my loans to under $50,000.00  Actually with fundraising from rosaries, my dinner and other in kind donations, it is almost at $46,000  (which is a HUGE deal - I mean I didn't think it would ever get below $50,000 so soon and now it might be possible to get it below $40,000 before the year is out) Thank you all so very much for your prayers, your contributions and your words of encouragement.

Please continue to keep me in your prayers as I continue to keep you in mine.  I will be sure to give as detailed of an update as I can when I return.

Pax,

Hopeful

Using alternative means

After hours of reading on how to do it I managed to get a Donate button on my blog.  Though my entrance to the SMMCs is almost a year away, I am doing all I can now to reduce my loans.  I have been very aggressive in my repayment efforts and have managed to get the amount under $50,000.00 which is a very BIG accomplishment.  I am hoping to completely eliminate the remaining amount in time to enter (I definitely need your help for this).  I don't quite know how but I fully trust that I will enter in due time.

I knew that my student loans would be an impediment to entrance from the moment I started my discernment but yet I had this trust in the Lord that held me from worrying about it.  This trust allowed me to move forward in my discernment in order to be open to God's will for me.  However, as I got closer to finding a community and making necessary preparations I realized that trust alone would not be enough to eliminate my loans.  I would also need to work harder at getting rid of those loans.

It has taken me great humility and even greater trust in the Lord to do what must be done and to ask the faithful for their help in living out my fiat.  I continue to be amazed by the wonderful graces that the Lord has afforded me, He has been sooo wonderful to me in a way that I surely don't deserve.  I continue to ask for your prayers as I look to the day when I will get to fully live out my vocation.

Please consider making a donation as you are able (no matter how small) and/or sharing this post with three (or more) friends/family members.  If you know anyone in your parish, work or school who is open to supporting vocations in the church, please share with them.

I continue to hold you all in my prayers and beg your continues prayers.  

In Christ Our Hope,

Hopeful