Confuzzled

Went to adoration today for my usual hour and I was just blah.  I couldn't pray and didn't really know what to say to Jesus.  You know how you feel beat down and then you decide not to fight anymore?  Well that's me today.

In the first half hour I was trying to figure out what to say to Him so I just sat there, before I knew it I was sobbing and fighting really hard to keep the sobs quiet.  Later I realized that I have been fighting Him these past weeks and the struggle between Him and I have me exhausted and ready to surrender.  I was finally ready to give up and let him truly lead me.  Lead me to what I don't know; I am terrified but yet I feel a sense of calm.  I don't know how that makes sense (still doesn't make sense to me)  I am truly ready to stop fighting and struggling, I am trying to do everything I can to let him lead but I know it will be difficult.

I don't know what He is doing but I am ready to let Him do it. Please help me pray because I am really truly afraid of getting in His way.

Yours in Christ,
Hopeful