Confuzzled

Went to adoration today for my usual hour and I was just blah.  I couldn't pray and didn't really know what to say to Jesus.  You know how you feel beat down and then you decide not to fight anymore?  Well that's me today.

In the first half hour I was trying to figure out what to say to Him so I just sat there, before I knew it I was sobbing and fighting really hard to keep the sobs quiet.  Later I realized that I have been fighting Him these past weeks and the struggle between Him and I have me exhausted and ready to surrender.  I was finally ready to give up and let him truly lead me.  Lead me to what I don't know; I am terrified but yet I feel a sense of calm.  I don't know how that makes sense (still doesn't make sense to me)  I am truly ready to stop fighting and struggling, I am trying to do everything I can to let him lead but I know it will be difficult.

I don't know what He is doing but I am ready to let Him do it. Please help me pray because I am really truly afraid of getting in His way.

Yours in Christ,
Hopeful

WOW

Happy Feast day of St. Cecilia!!!!

I knew that it's been a while since my last post but I didn't realize that it's going on a month!!! I can't believe just how busy I have been.  My deepest apologies for the neglect on my part, so much has been going on with me that I am not sure where to begin.  I think the best thing to do is to give you updates in sections.

Discernment
Well things have been going well, I attended a retreat in the beginning of the month that still have me spinning but I think it is a good thing (still praying about it)  I spoke with SrMJ about a week ago for the first time in almost a month and I am hoping to see the sisters sometime soon.  In fact I need to see them because it will help in dealing with this curveball.


I met with my Spiritual Director last week and he encourages me to continue to focus on my prayer life rather than trying to deal with curveballs and the unexpected.  I mean Religious Life is not about having security or all of the answers it is about trust so in dealing with what is going with me I need to continue to trust the Lord and remember that.  I know I sound all cryptic (sorry) everything is fine, I just need to be mindful of fact that closeness with Christ is the first thing that I need to work on.


Fundraising
A couple of days ago mom called me to let me know that she saw father G and he says that a check has been sent to the Laboure Society to help with my student loans.  It has not made it yet and I do not know how much the parish was able to donate.  In either case I am utterly grateful; I am thinking of doing something as a means of saying thank you to father's secretary for being such an advocate on my behalf. I was thinking of making her a rosary, what do y'all think?


I should probably have started by pointing out that the Laboure Society has changed the way they work with Aspirants a bit and so now the donation works differently.  Check out my Aspirant page on their web site.  So as part of the new fundraising campaign with the Laboure Society I have been meeting with folks face to face to request donations (it was such an intimidating idea at first but I've gotten over my fears)  If you are interested in donating and/or have any questions, feel free to send me an email and I will be more than happy to answer any questions you might have.


Oh something else that I almost forgot, I applied for the Mater Ecclesiae grant so please please pray that I am selected as one of next year's recipients.  I had applied last year but they were not able to award me.

Rosary Making

I have been steadily making rosaries to put on the website (though lately it seems that most of the ones I have been making have been for birthday presents or special occasions)  I was finally able to set up the website to allow me to take custom orders for customers outside of my local area.  Check out the last couple of orders (I didn't take pictures of the local ones)

If you are thinking of giving out rosaries for the holidays, consider my website.    

First Communion rosary 

St Anthony/St Francis Rosary

So this is about all that has been going on with me in terms of fundraising, discernment and rosary making.  I am soooo looking forward to advent and the new mass translation.

Wishing you a Happy Thanksgiving!!!

In Christ,

Hopeful

Feeling loved even in hard times

So I'm headed to a bodybuilder's conference in Minneapolis and I don't think it could have begun any worse than it has.  It took a lot of prayer and discussion with trusted ones before I decided to let go of my fears and anxiety and go on this conference but in the end I decided that it is something that I needed to do.

Las night I realized that I did not have the donation check that I needed for the seminar fee.  This morning while on the plane I realized that I didn't have some paperwork that I needed to have completed for the conference (now I'm going to try and re do it - first I have to reprint it but where do I find a printer now?) Anyways, I threw my hands up and realize that I am definitely being taught to let go and must really learn what it means to completely surrender to God.

As I get ready to freak out and panic about the fact that I am probably not going to get the discount or be able to make the most of this seminar, I suddenly remember Tuesday morning's events.

Cue flashback
I woke up early enough to make morning mass but with all the things I had to do around the house it was after seven when I left the house.  I had every intention of heading straight to work but somehow I found myself in front of the chapel.  I went in for morning prayer and a few minutes of adoration.  By the time I was preparing to leave Monsignor O walked in and started what looked like preparations for mass, my heart was soooo giddy!!!!  I was going to get to go to mass after all, and this was an intimate one (about 4 of us)

I mean I felt that the morning's psalms were speaking to me in a very special way, it was as if God was shouting at me how much he loved me and would give me the strength to persevere (boy did I need to read those psalms that day) I happily participated and went about the rest of the day on cloud 15 (yeah I was that happy) the Lord was sooo good to me and knew how much I yearned to go to mass that day and afforded me that opportunity.  Usually on days that Monsignor is not the celebrant for daily mass, he says a private mass late evenings so for him to have decided that morning to have mass in the chapel was just a Godsend.

End flashback and return to present moment :)


As much as I am scared that the conference might not go too well, I am comforted in the knowledge that even when it feels like things are not going to improve, the Lord shows his hand and his might.  I am apprehensive and I am still anxious because I don't know how things might turn out with these curveballs but I do trust that the Lord will work it all out.

Please keep me in your prayers as I prepare to board (especially that I continue to remain hopeful in the Lord)

Pax,
Hopeful

Trying something new

Happy Sunday (and sorry for the big lag)

OK so I'm getting ready to go teach Religious Ed and I realize that it's been weeks since I updated on my fundraising progress.  I am still waiting to hear from Father G about the committee's decision on helping me with my student loans.

I thought that in the meantime, I would try something new as far as my fundraising.  I am sure you see the cute little donate button on the sidebar, I am calling on everyone (followers and non-followers) to please consider donating 1, 5, 10, 20 dollars or whatever you can afford.

Our Lady of Lourdes rosary with water from Lourdes

For anyone who makes a donation of 50 dollars or more, I will make a custom rosary.  If you cannot make a donation would you please commit to share my story with 5 others in the hopes of helping with getting donations?

If you are thinking of making a donation and are in need of a rosary, chaplet or rosary bracelet consider going through my website and purchasing one of my items (that way you get more than my gratitude and prayers :) )

Feel free to send me an email if you have any questions.

United in Christ,
Hopeful

Yep, I'm still here

Hello readers,

I looked and it's been a little over two weeks since my last post!!  I know things have been crazy with me but wow, that is a sign a lot of craziness. 

God has been so good to me that it's unreal.

I go on the boot camp training on the 28th and I am looking forward to it.

Pax!
HB