This morning after mass, I started thinking about distractions during the mass and distractions in general. I find it funny that my sister is the one with ADD but I am constantly finding myself too distracted by what is going on around me.
This happens specifically with my prayer life and with mass participation; I have made myself a schedule (I think I mentioned it before) for the weekday and for the weekend. The hope is that I can use that as a guide to always remember to make prayer and time alone with our Lord a priority in my life. However, I am finding that it doesn't take much to detract me from that schedule. I always seem to have other things that come up (work stuff, Family obligations, Service obligations) and I start to find myself justifying not going to adoration everyday "I'm not a religious, I don't have to go everyday" I do the same thing when I wake up late "I can just say a quick prayer, I don't have to pray the Liturgy of the Hours" before I know it I am making excuses and it is way too easy to neglect my spiritual development.
At church it is even worse, I have to always force myself to look at the cross so that I remember the point of the mass. It is not about the fact that this person just strolled in and sat down without genuflecting, it is not even about how short and revealing someone's attire is. It is about remembering the Lord's passion and being thankful for His obedience. I struggle very hard to remain focused on the paschal mystery and this always brings me much sorrow. I have started to reflect on John's love for Our Lord and I am finding this helpful in my quest to remain focused on Christ.
It is very painful to know that I love Christ and say that I love him but I feel that I don't always act it. Especially when I sit at mass focusing on everyone else and noticing someone else's splinter while ignoring my proverbial log. I pray everyday that I grow more in love with him and I truly want to live only for Him, everyday before mass I ask God to rid me of all distractions and to help me focus on the sacrifice of the mass. I am given more and more opportunities to do this and I thank God for them. I am learning that when we ask for something (Patience, Humility, Faith) we are often presented with opportunities to grow in these virtues. And so as I am presented with more and more opportunities to lose my distractions, I thank the Lord and I continue to pray and ask John and Our Lady to assist me in my quest to love Christ as they did.
I ask for continued prayers as I continue to pray for you.