Today's gospel reading reminded me of how important it is to be wholly dependent on the Lord. I am reminded of how I must have the faith of child; not childish but child-like.
I am at the cusp of something very decisive (I get to find out whether or not I am a MEFV grantee) I am in between the waiting and the living. This has made me realize that the life I wish to live (a total self-gift to the Lord) does not have to be lived within the convent walls. In fact time and time again I have seen and heard reminders that I must live out the Gospel daily and in turn must begin to live out my vocation now.
No longer is it acceptable for me to use the "once I enter I will do better" excuse. I must realize that I am called to do better as I am and where I am. It is my growth as a Christian woman that will help me be a better religious (not the other way around) It is my love for the Lord and my gratitude toward Him ow that will make me be a more grateful and truly dependent sister.
I don't know how many times I found myself falling and had to be reminded that it is not my falls that determine my worth in the eyes of the Lord. God has called me not because of the infrequency of my falls but rather because of the times I have fallen (many times) and continue to rise to run to Him. Time and time again however, I know I must be careful not to be complacent and therefore rely on the fact that there is nothing I can do to lose the Love of the Lord. I must continue to strive for perfection and a life of holiness despite the fact that I am outside the convent walls.
God is calling me to this life now so ti tis now that I must begin to strive for holiness, strive for a perfect dependency on and trust in Him. There will be no magic button to push and become perfectly reliant on the Lord at my entrance so I must therefore begin to live this life of "yes" and "I trust You Lord" today.
Jesus, Come into my heart
Most Sacred Heart of Jesus, I place my trust in You.