The reality of entering

Hi there!  Yeah I'm still here.  I've been preparing for entrance by being as aggressive as I can with paying down my loans as well as being persistent in my fundraising efforts.  I was working on a dinner in which one of the sisters would give a talk but it looks like the dinner won't be happening anytime soon.  Initially I had planned on a dinner for October 22nd but with the need to get everything ready to enter as soon as possible, it does not look like I will be able to have a dinner any time soon.  I am hopeful though that I can fundraise enough to be ready for entrance.

In other news, my discernment is going as can be expected.  I went through a good week of anxiety and fear of the unknown shortly after I gave my boss official notice that I was leaving.  We both knew that I was leaving but giving her my letter of resignation made it all too real and I got the gist of what I was doing.  I didn't have any regrets or second thoughts but I didn't realize how much I needed to trust in the Lord as I continued to make steps to enter Religious Life.  

So these last few weeks have been a wave of emotions for me as I prepare to face the unknown.  I have  experienced true happiness and joy at the anticipation of my entrance and the beginning of a life lived in Community.  I have experienced anxiety when I think of the fact that I not only need to get additional items for my trousseau but also must be just about debt-free by the time I enter.  

Last night in Adoration, I told the Lord that I was going to spend the next hour with him in silence and I barely made it.  After about half an hour I wanted to pull out my rosary to pray the rosary and I just about did and I was reminded gently of my promise.  Fifteen minutes after that I wanted to pull out my book to do some spiritual reading; it wasn't until the last ten minutes of Adoration that I finally decided to stop and silence my heart and mind and hear the Lord.  

I have been soo looking forward to my entrance that I haven't been thinking too much about what it would be like.  Now that's it's approaching, I think about it more and more and I realize that I won't be visiting anymore and I keep thinking and worrying about that.  While I am exited on one hand, I can't help but be worried about "messing" up.  

I wonder if this is how a new bride feels after the wedding, when she and her groom are finally under one roof and she suddenly feels as though she is under a microscope.  I will never know since I have never been a new bride, but I do know that when I think of life in the convent I do feel as though it will be like living under a microscope; I don't want to "mess up" nor do I want to be unnatural.  I guess I need to continue to remind myself to just be myself, just as I was on my previous visits.  

I need your prayers now more than ever as I prepare for this very exciting and radical move especially as I work on eliminating my loans.  Please consider making a donation or inviting someone to donate to support my vocation.

May God Bless you always,

Hopeful

Remembrance

So over the past couple of weeks I have been thinking of my unworthiness.  Not only in terms of this beautiful vocation the Lord has called me to but the fact that he has seen fit to invite me to His table.  It brings tears to my eyes and I get so overwhelmed.  I was thinking of a way to express my feelings and then Matt Maher came on and this song just dotted the i.

Oh, how could it be
That my God would welcome me into this mystery
Say take this bread, take this wine
Now the simple made divine for any to receive

By Your mercy, we come to Your table
By Your grace, You are making us faithful

Lord, we remember You
And remembrance leads us to worship
And as we worship You
Our worship leads to communion
We respond to Your invitation, we remember You

See His body, His blood
Know that He has overcome every trial we will face
None too lost to be saved
None too broken or ashamed, all are welcome in this place

By Your mercy, we come to Your table
By Your grace, You are making us faithful

Lord, we remember You
And remembrance leads us to worship
And as we worship You
Our worship leads to communion
We respond to Your invitation, we remember You

Dying You destroyed our death
Rising You restored our life
Lord Jesus, come in glory

Lord Jesus, come in glory
Lord Jesus, come in glory
Lord Jesus, come in glory

Lord, we remember You
And remembrance leads us to worship
And as we worship You
Our worship leads to communion
We respond to Your invitation
We respond to Your invitation, we remember You 

 

picture from savior.org

I just want to sit at His feet in adoration and just let him into my heart.  I don't need to tell Him anything, he knows it all; He knows what I'm feeling, what I desire more than anything is to have time with Him in silence.  

Hello There

I am still here, really I am.  I have been planning for my August 22 entrance and trying to keep on top of my work and ministry obligations and have completely ignored my blog.  I want to thank everyone who has been praying for me and supporting me.  I am preparing to find out from the Laboure Society about a grant, I a praying that I am awarded enough to help continue make a dent in my student loans.  I have reached out to a local business that didn't yield much however I am continuing to reach out and trying to garner enough funds to make my entrance a reality.

I have been looking at ways to raise funds and I stumbled on razoo, I decided to look into it and now I have a page set up to receive donations.  This link (http://www.razoo.com/story/Dyna-S-Vocation) takes you straight to my page complete with my story and my goal.  I'm working on adding some more info but in the meantime, I have gone ahead made the page public.  Since I am not able to be a part of the Laboure Society's new class for 2013, I have spoken with the sisters and will be working with them to raise funds. All funds donated will go to the sisters on my behalf.

As you take a look at my page, please consider sharing a link to my razoo via twitter, facebook or email.  I am trying to spread the word and raise the needed $40,000 by July 31st.  Please continue to keep me in your thoughts and prayers as I continue to prepare for entrance.  63 days left and my entrance can be made a reality with your help.

Pax!

Dyna

Happy Easter

Wow.  I think this writer's block has lasted much much longer than I thought it would.  I have been so focused on worrying about not worrying that I have not really had the time to reflect or share anything with my followers.

There is not much going on with yours truly; as I reported in an earlier post (I hope I actually posted that one) I visited the sisters right before the beginning of Lent and it was wonderful.  I am now working on making my entrance a reality.  I am organizing a nun run to help raise more funds, the details of it are still in the works but I am really hoping to be able to have the run in June.  My hope was for June 27th because I love everything Marian (duh!) but that will not be possible due to another commitment with the EDGE youth group.

I have a meeting with a friend sometime next week to discuss the course for the nun run along with securing sponsors for T-shirt for the runners and drinks.  Please pray that this goes well.

On another note, being the complete ADD crazy, paranoid person that I am, I have started some Novenas for the elimination of my loans.  If you wish to join me, please let me know and I will send you the documents that you may pray along.  It doesn't matter if you start later, the plan is to pray for my intentions and that of all discerners who have educational debt as an obstacle.

I am making a Novena to st. Rita, St. Joseph, Our Lady of Mt. Carmel and Our Lady of Good Success.  I believe a few of my friends are also praying to St. Therese and St. Jude.  We basically picked these saints and I told them to pick who-ever they wanted to make the Novena to.

Blessings to you on this Easter Thursday,
Hopeful

Birthday Celebration

So today is my birthday and my brother and nephew are here to help me celebrate.  I honestly see today as just another day and I am not overly excited about dining out, having a glass of my favorite wine or even that I get to spend time with my nephew.  What excites me is the idea of being with Our Lord, I am just so excited that my adoration hour falls on a saturday and I get to spend an hour one-on-one with the Lord on my birthday.

Last night as I thought of what to do for my birthday and the fact that I was not excited about another birthday I only got excited about adoration and the fact that I get an hour with the Lord by myself.  In 45 minutes I will be headed to the chapel for adoration.  I am indeed excited and can't wait :)

As always, you are all in my prayers.

Pax,
Hopeful