As baptized Christians, we are called to be Holy, to live more and more like Christ everyday - yet it pains me to see how I act from minute to minute. Take today for example (and it is not over yet), I overslept and therefore did not get to go to adoration or mass before going in to work (I will have to get that done later in the day) I always prefer to receive Christ at the beginning of my day.
Back to the point of this entry; by 9:30 my day was going horribly - I found myself getting angry quickly with my co-workers (though I don't show it and I don't direct it toward them) my interactions with them is affected, I am impatient and unwilling to be understanding. So what if I have explained something three times already? Should I be so greedy and so focused on myself that I cannot be inconvenienced? The ironic thing is while meditating on the 2nd joyful mystery this morning, I ask the blessed mother for her help in being more tolerant and charitable so not to mind so much being inconvenienced for the sake of others. I believe the events of today is the Lord's way of giving me the opportunity to express the love for others that I so wish to express, yet I am never able to rise to the occasion.
Why is it that we all desire to be holy but we lack the fortitude to remain loving to our brothers and sisters, I find that what I lack is love; more so than patience, or understanding. I believe a deep love for all will have a positive impact on my interaction with others - regardless of how many times I've explained something or how frustrating I believe they are being.. I am unable (more like unwilling) to love when it is not on my terms. I always use the excuse of being too tired, too overwhelmed or too busy to be kind or to be loving.
But I got to thinking, Jesus was human right? He was all of those things, too tired, too busy, and I'm sure even too hungry at times. Yet he always showed love, he always had an open and understanding heart. It saddens me that I want to espouse myself to someone I am so far from. Granted we don't want to be exactly like our spouses but come on, it would be nice to be able to share some of the same positive qualities.
The point of this long and somehow pointless rant is that I have a lot of work to do. I knew I had work to do but the amount is much more than I thought.
Keep me in your prayers, that I may be open to the guidance of the Holy Spirit to love my neighbors as I love Christ.
Jesus, come into my heart!
