Am I being judgemental?

I know you are probably thinking no :) but hear this out.  I have noticed over the years that somehow I can't help myself when I see things I deem to be offenses against the Church or the Lord.  Like for example someone going to mass wearing shorts they wouldn't even wear to hang out with friends or watch someone eat something right before mass and then taking communion or folks picking up their purses, go to communion and run right out of the door afterwards.  You say these are little things and perhaps they are, after all we are not dressing to impress are we? and God doesn't care what you wear does he?  But I beg to differ!

Let's talk about the attire, nothing offends me more than watching someone (mostly young women) dress in a way that shows disregard for our Lord, I mean you would dress nice to meet the Queen of England or some other dignitary so why is the Lord not worth the same attention and care?  And why should I care? because it seems everywhere else I look (the Baptists, Anglicans, Lutherans) they seem to dress with reverence and care while it appears as if us Catholics do not care, but we do!

And then there's the leaving right after communion.  Now I know some of us are busy and must sometimes rush back somewhere (Home to a sick child/parent or to work) but my answer to that is go to a different mass.  Ether one where you can find someone to sit with your sick loved one or one where you have enough time not to have to rush to work.  I don't know about you but if I were to throw a dinner party and my guests ate and just left before everything could even be put away I would be upset.  Again I'm sure there are folks thinking that God doesn't care but I really think He does.

Y'all excuse my ramblings but this kind of stuff hurts and upsets me to the core.  Most especially when I see some of it done by religious, now that is the last group I expected to see this kind of stuff from.

Your thoughts on this, have you ever encountered these things?  Do you also see them as offenses or do you think they are minor?  Am I overreacting by thinking this is offensive to our Lord?  feel free to comment.

My relationship status

So this past weekend, I had the privilege of serving as a chaperone for some of the youth in my parish who went to Rock the Universe.  I must say that the experience was just awesome (I will have to give it its on entry)  However, what struck me is the fact that I was asked if I was dating someone and the way I reacted to it took me by surprise.  I of course said yes because the way I see my relationship with Christ is just that, a dating relationship where I am getting to truly know Him and I am opening my heart to Him.  I want to one day be His spouse and I want to belong to Him - Mind, body and spirit.

What I felt when the question was asked of me was a bit of a hesitation, there was a reluctance on my part to admit that I was dating because then I would truly be committed.  I then realized that there was a tiny part of me that wanted to be available - for what though, I didn't know.  I felt like one of those girls who was ashamed of someone she was dating because of uncertainty or even possible reactions.  And then it dawned on me that I was not willing to commit to Him like I desired to be.  Here I am yearning everyday for the day I get that letter that puts me one step closer to being His, yet on the other hand I want to keep the fact that I yearn to be His bride a secret.  I also realized something at that point, we had a secret relationship (at least on my part) and the fact that this relationship was secret meant that I could not always be faithful to Him (something I desperately want to be) For that reason, I decided that I needed to recommit myself to Him, spending time with Him, following His life and leaning on Him more and more.

In any relationship, it can be hard to remain faithful and to give all of yourself to your another, that task is made even harder when one party will not fully admit to the relationship let along commit to it.  I had deluded myself into thinking that this relationship would not require much work on my part or not need much commitment from me.  However, I am seeing what can happen when I don't commit to Him fully and I do not want a secret relationship.  Instead, I want a relationship that announces itself so that everyone knows that yes I am dating and yes I am taken.  My heart belongs to Jesus Christ who loves me more than even I could begin to put into words and while I can't love Him a fraction of the way He loves me, I can try with all my heart.  I want to belong to Him and only Him for the rest of my life. 

Please pray for me as I fight to remain faithful to Him in my day to day living.

Knowing His will

A couple of weekends ago, I found myself questioning my desire and my love for the Lord, let me preclude by saying that I have been trying to finish this entry for some time now (since August 30th) and I find it hard to even articulate the detail my struggle - hard because there is so much that I would like to explain and also because I feel that admitting my struggles will somehow make it harder to deal with them.  It seems that on the one hand I desire nothing but to be totally and completely belonging to Jesus.  On the other hand, I am somewhat curious about the possibility of married life.  Although I must admit, the curiosity is not necessarily because I truly want to consider that vocation but primarily because I am being tempted in the worst possible way.  I am still questioning my vocation, not because I don't believe God is calling me but because I fear that I will forget to lean on him and will most surely fail in my journey.

I strongly believe that what I have been experiencing is nothing short of the evil one trying to lure me away, what scares me is that I am in danger of falling in his trap.  I pray to God to have the strength and the widsdom to call on him in my moments of weakness, I know what I must do yet lately I have felt powerless to do it.  I pray that I can remain rooted in prayer so that I may remain always and forever Christ's.

Please keep me in your prayers as I struggle during this time of Spiritual Warfare.

Saint Michael - Protect me!

Mary, Mother of the Church - Pray for me