About Me

My photo
Florida, United States
I am a Hopeful Bride of Christ and I long for the day I can dedicate all of my life to Him. I have been actively discerning religious life for about 4 years now and I have been accepted to enter the Sisters of Mary, Mother of the Church. I hope to begin formation soon and beg your prayers that my student loans do not keep me from entering. With your help and prayers I hope that my entrance to the SMMC will soon be reality. Rest assured that you are all in my thoughts and prayers - most especially those young men and women discerning their vocations, whether to the religious life, priesthood or married life. Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers as I continue this journey toward Him.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Going Steady

Today I met with my Spiritual Director and we had a brief chat about how things are going with me.  I shared with him some of my recent doubts lately and the temptations that I have been fighting with (should I date, perhaps I should look into a different community)

These feelings are coming in while I have been waiting for a formal response from the community I have applied to and as I wait, I start to find myself falter in my trust in the Lord.  Though deep in my heart I know I want nothing more than to belong to Christ, I have been fighting these doubts that I know are nothing less than the evil one's attempts to thwart me.  I expressed to my SD that I don't want to love anyone like I love Christ and I want to fall in love with Him like I have never fallen in love with anyone before.  If only I could learn to trust in Him and in my relationship with Him.  I feel as though I am a young woman in a relationship where my lack of confidence in my boyfriend's feelings are leading me to question what I know deep within me is a good and solid relationship.

Father's response was ever so supporting and understanding and he said that like in a new relationship, there will be ups and downs; there will be arguments; good times and bad times.  But I must not turn back, I must continue to go forward and take that next step and that is to go steady.  Like one worried about limiting my opportunities I hesitate to go steady but yet I desire that more than anything; I want to know that I am exclusively His but I hesitate because of the fear that He may not want me exclusively to Himself.

Some time earlier in my discernment, I shared with a Vocation Directress how anxious I was to know that the Lord wanted me to be His and how my heart ached to know and to be His bride.  Her reply was to ask Him; I am now realizing that though I have asked the Lord to show me His will, I have not asked Him to call me to Himself.  I want very much to be called to Him but there is an underlying fear that holds me back.  Pray with me dear readers that I may surrender to Him and trust in His love for me.

In His Love,


  1. You will be in mine as well, my dear. After years and years of knowing I belong only to the Lord, I still feel that way sometimes. It's the sin of our first parents - to mistrust God, to think He's somehow holding out on us... when really, He's showering us with love and mercy and just waiting for us to put our hand into His.