Humility

It's amazing the eye-openers that we receive just when we need them.  The graces that the Lord has given me astound me day and day.

Though I fervently hope to enter formation next summer, I am fully aware that the Lord's will must prevail and I must allow Him to work with me and in me.  The biggest obstacle to my entrance right now is my student debt and the astounding amount brings me some moments of desperation.  The folks at the Laboure Society are working with me on a campaign to bring it down so that I can live out my yes.

When it comes to working with the Laboure Society for debt relief, the aspirant is very involved in the process.  The society assists with the campaigning but the aspirant reaches out to friends, family members and even strangers for assistance.  This process has shown me how much I need to grow in humility.  At first I worried about the burden I might place on others by asking them to support my vocation when I should be responsible for my incurred debt.  As time progressed I started realizing that this was due to my pride (which I didn't realize was such a hindrance)  I look to our Lady for help in my moments of self-righteousness and extreme pride.  I ask for her intercession, that I may be more like her in humility, obedience and love of the Lord. 

I have started reaching out to friends and family and have asked for their assistance in getting donors and supporters willing to assist me.  I have also been making rosaries and currently working on a quilt that I hope to sell.  What has been my biggest hurdle is the idea that by getting assistance from these generous donors I am getting "something" for "nothing".   It is for this reason I am making rosaries and knitting/sewing things to sell.  I am planning a dinner for later this month and have asked the ladies in my circle for assistance in planning, decorating as well as securing items that I may be able to auction/raffle off.  I realize how much humility it took for me to ask the ladies for assistance; not so much because I don't wish to ask for help but because I focus on all the wrong things rather than laying down all of my concerns about people's reaction and willingness to donate.  At the heart of these concerns is one issue: the fact that I don't totally trust God.  

When I think of some of the saints I admire the most, especially Saint Teresa of Avila, and Blessed Teresa of Calcutta I want nothing more than to trust the Lord like they did.  They had Trust in the Lord that came only from knowing Him well and having a strong relationship with Him.  I wish for nothing more than that and as I deepen my prayer life I hope to gain that closeness to Him.  In all the great saints there was a correlation between closeness with the Lord and growing in the virtues.  I aim to grow in virtues and in closeness withe the Lord.

Please keep me in your prayers, that I continue to rely not on myself but on the Lord and the saints in my quest to live a more virtuous life.