Another Chapter begins

So I have been actively discerning a call to the religious life for about three years now and for these three years I have been working with the vicar at my parish who serves as my Spiritual Director.  I had met him a little less than a year prior to starting my discernment and I felt super comfortable with him as a SD because of the fact that he had recently been ordained.

Sadly our diocesan priests do not stay in one place for too long so my good friend and great spiritual guide had to go where he was called/assigned.  Though I knew it was inevitable, when he told me I had to fight to retain tears; I knew it was for the best and that in the Lord's wonderful wisdom the timing was perfect for his growth as well as the parish's but that didn't stop me from being upset about it.

He was kind enough to recommend a new SD, a priest from another parish whom he thought would be a great match to my spiritual style.  I agreed reluctantly and I got in contact with "the new guy" I was just shocked at how quickly he was willing to "hand me over" to the next guide so to speak.  I mean it's over that quickly?  I was expecting the transition to be a more kinder process.

I thought I was so ready for religious life because I had mastered detachment, well it turned out that I was far from it.  Here I was preparing myself and my family for the time when they would say goodbye and I couldn't even manage to say goodbye to a SD that I saw once a month!   I see the new SD again in about three weeks and I am truly looking forward to it to see what God has in store for me.  The close of this chapter in my spiritual growth is a gentle reminder that I am not at all in control and that I need to continue to trust God.

Please pray for me because I truly want His will to be done.

Pax,
Hopeful

A Plea for help

Today’s post is not going to be my usual ramblings and random thoughts but rather a plea for your assistance. Please pass this along to your friends, family and even your parish family to help me make my entrance to the SMMC a reality.

I have sold my car in an effort to maximize the amount of money I put toward my student loans and I have been making and selling rosaries at my local catholic store in an effort to raise more funds. Unfortunately I need to do even more in order to make my entrance to my future community a reality. Thankfully, the Labouré Society is working with me and I plan on applying to the Mater Ecclesiae Fund for Vocations for assistance.

The Mater Ecclesiae Fund for Vocations is a non-profit organization that helps those entering religious life pay their student loan debt, this is a grant program that relies heavily on donations and as such they cannot help everyone; last year I applied and could not be granted due to the heavy demands.  I am going to reapply again and hope to be selected as a grantee; In addition to the amount of debt an applicant has, one aspect they look at is how active the applicant is in helping themselves.

This is where you can help! I am looking for as many folks who are able to donate here in my name! ANY amount is perfect, $1, $5, $10, $100 or whatever you can do! If you are not able to help, please pass this on and ask your friends and family to pass it on to whomever they know of who wish to support vocations in the Church.  In addition to asking for you financial support, I beg your continued prayers as I continue my walk with God.

If you can think of any other resource that I might look into for further assistance, please leave me a comment or send me an email with some additional information.  I am trying to get some assistance from my local K of C and Serra club.  Unfortunately there is not much they can do financially but they have promised to help with fundraising by assisting with dinners etc.  Thank you for your time and prayers! Remember, donations to the Labouré Society are tax deductible.  If you wish to donate, please Click here now to do so! Don’t forget to put my name, Dyna in the comments section!

If you want to learn more about my journey, you can read my vocation story by clicking here. I am also selling handmade rosaries online; if you wish to buy something instead of/in addition to giving you can do so by going to my website, Inspired Treasures.

God Bless you and your family!

Hopeful

To make a donation in my name, visit: http://labouresociety.org/options/ 

To read my vocation story visit:  This link

To purchase one of my rosaries or: www.rosarieschaplets.com

To learn about the Labouré Society visit: http://labouresociety.org/

To learn more about the MEFV visit: http://fundforvocations.org/

To learn about the SMMC visit: www.sistersofmarymc.org  

Confessions of a Discerning woman

I have a confession to make, multiple confessions actually.  For the past month and half or so I have not been truthful.  I have not been truthful to myself, to others and mostly to God.  Granted, the Lord knows all but I have been trying to actually fool him.  I have not been truthful enough to admit to the Lord and to others that I am scared, that I have not been trusting the Lord and that I have allowed my fears about what's ahead in this journey to have too much of an impact on my relationship with God.

There's been so much going on with me in terms of discernment and just life in general that I have not been "myself".  I have been doubting God in the worst way, I've been doubting His ability to provide for me in the way that I need.  I have been doubting his companionship and I have been doubting all the graces I have received.  The sad part is that while I have been doubting the Lord about His ability to provide and care for me, I have been telling others of the importance of trusting in the Lord and telling them of the need to turn all of their worries over to Him.  Daily I profess my love for the Lord and I say how much I trust in Him but yet deep down I know I am afraid to the point that I don't fully trust him and I know I do not live as if I love Him.  I choose myself above Him and I don't care to be Him to others or to try and see Him in others.

It is a horrible feeling to know that the way I live my faith outwardly is not a true reflection of how I am living my faith internally.  For the sake of others, I pretend that I am OK with the Lord (that I trust in Him, and have deep Hope in Him) Sadly I continue to go on this way and I believe that I must go on this way (faking past the doubt and fear) because that is what's expected of a discerning young woman.

A while back, I shared with my Spiritual Director my unhappiness at learning that news of my discernment had spread.  I was quite upset that my discernment had become public, I wanted to discern in private so that I could be at peace to truly hear the Lord.  The truth of it is the reasons I thought of were not truly why I wanted to discern privately.  I am now realizing that I did not want people to know of my discernment because of the fact that I didn't want to be held to any standards, especially a standard of a life of holiness.  I feel that I am expected to trust, to love and to know the Lord intimately. 

The truth is none of these are true; there are times when I question God and I find myself questioning His will for me, His wisdom in leading me toward a certain path and in truth His ability to provide.  Now as a future religious, I am expected not have doubts or moments of despair; but I do because I am fully human and I get terribly scared.

I saw my Spiritual Director late last week and we discussed this very thing (my doubts, fear and despair) He reminded me of the fact that Hope depends not on looking at what is ahead of us but rather on us looking back at past graces, evidence of God's love, faithfulness & presence and to resolve to continue our journey trusting and depending on Him.  I look back and I know I must have Hope because it is clear God has led me here.  I just need to continue to live my faith day by day and to stop worrying about tomorrow.

This task is easier said than done, pray for me dear friends as I strive to trust, to love and to obey day by day.

Yours in Christ,
Hopeful

Doubt

Do you ever have moments of great clarity and confidence only to face painfully difficult moments of doubt and second guessing?  I know I must trust the Lord with all of my fears and all that I am.  However, I find myself struggling to remain confident in the knowledge that the Lord has indeed called me to live the life of a religious.  I find myself second-guessing my discernment process and the events that led me to saying yes to religious life.

This doubt comes from fears that I have kept to myself.  Fears that I have not brought to the Lord.  It comes from the evil one tempting me with fleeting pleasures and a sense of loss; loss of the chance to be a mother, a wife and many other things.  There is a storm within my heart and I know that I need only to turn to the Lord for comfort.

Jesus, help me to truly surrender to your will and to give you my heart wholly and completely.  Holy Spirit, help me to be open to your gentle urgings in my heart.  Holy Spirit, come.

On Living the Commandment of Love

Lord, I do not always love my neighbor/brother as I love myself.  I find that I often lack patience and sympathy.  I continue to ask you to help me Lord as I strive to be a better reflection of you.  I ask for your constant help and guidance in living your commandment of love.

On your cross you asked the father to forgive your torturers.  I pray for the Grace to love like you did and to pray for those whom I may see as my torturers.  I ask for the gift of understanding and the wisdom to see others as you did.

The Storm within

Hello Dear readers and happy summer.  It's been quite some time since I updated this blog and so much has happened; with me, my family and my future community.  It has all been chaotic to say the least (not necessarily a bad thing) and in the past few weeks the video below is a perfect summary of what I have been feeling.  Through it all I am fighting to remain faithful and keep continued trust in the Lord. 

Please keep me and all of those discerning the Lord's will in your prayers.

Until next time,
Hopeful